Potential Hook for a Short Story?
Hello each and every one of you. The other day, I was trying to come up with a solid hook for a short story I'm working on; however, it ended up having nothing to do with the story. That seems to happen a lot for me. Anyway, I decided to post what I have here for the joy/anger/disgust/etc. of anyone who bothers to read it. It revolves around suicide, which I know can be a touchy subject, and I don't want to offend anyone (though that is probably impossible today). So if you're sensitive to such material, feel free to skip it or just condemn my heartlessness in the comments - your call.
The noose was restricting but not yet deadly; she still had time. She had time to make a decision: Would she succumb to the allure of death if only to experience what happens after and no other reason, or would she survive, as is natural, and settle for an almost death? The room was full of eyes. Some were squeezed shut for they could not withstand the shapes formed in her writhing; however, most were wide and enjoying the spectacle. For you must understand, there is no life like a life on the edge of being lost. The noose gripped firmly; her neck was raw and beginning to bleed. Her will could not contain her spastic body as it fought her desired fate; she jerked about so rapidly that even time seemed to lose focus as it marveled at her dedication. However, her resilience began to fade, and the insurmountable will to survive was once again victorious as she shouted “LIFE!” But her shout for life was not heard for her lungs were weak and her voice was quiet; she had waited too long to make her decision, so no action was taken to save her. Her squirming crawled to a halt, and her eyes and mouth became open windows for her rebellious teenage spirit to escape the strict regulations of her overbearing body. Time resumed its tasks, and various reactions could be heard from the surprised crowd. Some were simply shocked that she actually made it to the end. All were mournful (to some degree), since a life had been lost after all, but none could’ve known what she had gained.
The noose was restricting but not yet deadly; she still had time. She had time to make a decision: Would she succumb to the allure of death if only to experience what happens after and no other reason, or would she survive, as is natural, and settle for an almost death? The room was full of eyes. Some were squeezed shut for they could not withstand the shapes formed in her writhing; however, most were wide and enjoying the spectacle. For you must understand, there is no life like a life on the edge of being lost. The noose gripped firmly; her neck was raw and beginning to bleed. Her will could not contain her spastic body as it fought her desired fate; she jerked about so rapidly that even time seemed to lose focus as it marveled at her dedication. However, her resilience began to fade, and the insurmountable will to survive was once again victorious as she shouted “LIFE!” But her shout for life was not heard for her lungs were weak and her voice was quiet; she had waited too long to make her decision, so no action was taken to save her. Her squirming crawled to a halt, and her eyes and mouth became open windows for her rebellious teenage spirit to escape the strict regulations of her overbearing body. Time resumed its tasks, and various reactions could be heard from the surprised crowd. Some were simply shocked that she actually made it to the end. All were mournful (to some degree), since a life had been lost after all, but none could’ve known what she had gained.
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